Bunnies, Monkeys & Richard Simmons

This morning I had a leg cramp. I knew it was coming. I just didn’t know exactly when. It teased me last night, lurking just out of sight in my left calf then popping its head out every few minutes. Every time it twitched I massaged and rubbed it profusely! It only taunted harder, “Try as you may, you can’t stop me! I’ll wait until you’re asleep tonight dreaming about unicorns or some crap, then… BLAMMO!!!”

My boy, Parker, had a boys bible study last night in a community about 12 miles away, so after work I changed into my running supersuit, drove him out there and ran a nice four mile jaunt during his meeting. It was a beautiful area at the foot of a mountain so the roads had some mild ups and downs. A little bit of a challenge and I may have pushed a little hard because the night was cool and I felt like I could run forever.

About halfway along, I came to a park and turning around some bushes, behold, a family of cute little cottontail rabbits were romping and frolicking! There were at least five of them and when they saw me, much like quail, three of them fled in terror, “Flee! Flee!” they cried and dove into the bushes, leaving little pellets in fear. So that’s where Easter eggs come from, I thought.

mr-and-mrs-bugs-bunnyTwo of them remained and I heard one say to the other, “Don’t make any sudden moves, Martha. I’m sure it’s as scared of us as we are of it.” I slowly reached for my phone to get a pic (one of these days I’m going to make a quick-draw holster for it) and as soon as I got the shot they farted and dove into the bushes. “What, no Easter eggs?!” I shouted.

Later at home watching tv, my calf began twitching and you know the rest. At four in the morning it hit. I kept my mouth closed trying not to wake Gwen and sounded much like Frankenstein might after looking into a mirror for the first time, “mmMMMMMMMmm!!”

So then of course, as I laid there recovering wiping the tears from my eyes, I thought, I’ve got to get up in an hour anyway and there’s no way I’m falling back asleep. 

flg-x-adventure-parkOn Saturday, we took our boys to an Extreme Adventure park in Flagstaff. It was our birthday gift to them since both are in September. I was worried that it would be too scary for Carson, our younger son. But after the first time through, they didn’t want to stop. It was like watching monkeys swing through the trees on their way to a banana festival. They were a blur. They went through the kids course four times and want to go back soon.

monkeys-in-the-treesA little ways off, beyond some trees was the adult course where occasionally we would hear a scream. I asked the guide if there was a weight limit. She looked at my belly then said, “Well, the cables are tested for 1,000 pounds.”

“Does that mean no?”

Embarrassed, she said, “Oh yeah. No problem.”

I made a mental note to come back. Today was for the kids.

Now I have to tell you about Insanity! My friend, Steve, was leading his first Insanity class at EOS last Friday morning and when his wife mentioned it, I asked if I could get in. I’ve never done one before and wanted to support him and see what it was like.

insanityIgnorance is bliss because if I had known what I was in for, it would have been a lot harder to get out of bed at 4am. I brought a water bottle and hand towel for the sweat. In hindsight, a beach towel would have been better.

He started the music and we all watched as he demonstrated the moves. That looks like a good workout, I thought. Although I couldn’t make out much of what he was saying over the music, I did hear, “You can all join in anytime!”

It was going well and I was keeping up until, among the cacophony, I heard one word: Burpees. Nobody told me there would be Burpees! I looked around to see if anyone else was going to sit this one out and they were all smiling. Dang it! I managed some pushups but by the time I got up off my knees, which cracked like dry timber, everyone was back down for the next pushup.

There were some girls breakdancing 80s style and jumping, kicking and clapping like Richard Simmons on crack, and God bless them for their energy, but I was proud of myself just for not passing out. When we finished, I tossed my sweat-glossed mat onto the pile. It would probably stick to the wall if I threw it. We hi-fived and took the above group shot.

In the parking lot, I sat in the car staring at my arms hanging limply at my sides. I’ll have to steer with my lips, I thought. I stumbled into the house past my family still sleeping blissfully, dreaming of unicorns, and showered before heading back out to work where I could nap.

Truth be told, I enjoyed the class overall and wish I could do it regularly. That time of day is not happening for me, though. Steve is a great teacher and full of energy and wit and I am happy for him.

Tonight is intervals. The only time I feel fast when I run. In fact, sometimes I slick back what hair I have left so it sticks out in back and looks like I’m running fast even when I’m tying my shoes.

Cool runnings, my friends, and have a great week!

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