“How are you doing today, Doug?”
“Oh, I’m doing great.” I say, grinning from ear to ear, remembering the awesome race I had yesterday, yet walking like a robot because my knees won’t bend. “Couldn’t be better. Say, can you give me a little boost up this step to the men’s room? There’s a pal.”
Now, a reverse taper, my non-running friends, is a recovery period when you start with low mileage and slowly ramp it up in the week or two after a big race. For example, here’s how my week after the race went.
Day 1 – Cool, I can take a rest day and relax. I bet I burned off 10,000 calories yesterday with all that running! Ok, well running and walking, but still… “Honey, do I look thinner?”
Day 2 – Probably shouldn’t have eaten that whole pizza last night. Well, I wouldn’t want my clothes to be too loose. Can’t have my pants falling down at work, he-he. Better put together a new running schedule. Let’s see, 5k in a couple of weeks and another half coming up. I’ll get out tomorrow for 2-3 miles. It’s late now and everyone is in bed. I should turn in. Wonder how much ice cream is left.
Day 3 – Why did I eat that baked potato at dinner? and steak? and dessert? I can’t run now, I’ll get a block and a half down the road and puke in the neighbors’ yard. That’s too close. They’ll recognize me and TP my house while I’m sleeping. I’ll run tomorrow night. Oh, crap! We’ve got Bible study tomorrow night.
Day 4 – Bible Study. Pastor: “Does anyone have any comments or insights before we start the video?” Me: My legs are antsy, I need to run. Maybe I can slip out during the video and get in a quick two miles. Then I’ll sit in back so they won’t see me sweat. He’s looking at me. Did he ask me a question? Does he know what I’m thinking? I’m caught! Not knowing what else to do, I reverently bow my head and say, “Amen.” I’ll run tomorrow night.
Day 5 – Now I’m starting to freak out. I’m going to lose all my fitness! All that hard work to prepare for 13.1 miles and it’s slipping away because I haven’t run this week. “Honey, do I look fat to you?” There is a Cub Scout camping trip this weekend that I need to get ready for. I’ll get out for a couple miles and stay up late to pack.
Day 6 – I need to pack this morning and then my wife and I are going to see a movie. After that, we’ll pick up the kids from school and the boys and I will head up to the campout. Nothing like fast food and a road trip to build your cardio.
Days 7 & 8 – Campout. Yeah, campouts are a lot of work but it’s great being outdoors. I love being out in nature and experiencing wildlife and seeing the beautiful sights. I envision myself on the show Naked and Afraid, with nothing but my big white butt and my pride to tame the forces of nature and survive for 21 days; eating tree bark and weaving sandals out of grasshopper wings. I could do it.
We arrived at camp and my friend had already found a tarantula about the size of his palm. That was pretty cool. Then as soon as the sun went down, all the boys had their UV lights out looking for scorpions… behind the tents. It was like a scene from CSI Lake Pleasant. Yes, they found several. Not to worry, though, no one got stung (I don’t think the scorpions stood a chance). Not exactly the wildlife I look for, but we did see some wild burros and heard a large pack of coyotes at night. The sky was clear and great for stargazing. I was able to pick out the constellation Douglasio the Runner. It moved quickly across the sky. The only real exercise I got was when the den went geocaching and I challenged one of the boys to a footrace up a hill. SMOKED THAT 10-YEAR-OLD!! He-he.
Anyway, we’re back home now, washed and fed, sipping a homebrew watching football. Santa’s Holiday Wheat needs to condition in the bottle a little longer. Guess I better put together a running schedule.
My younger son, Carson, and I are running a 5k at his school this weekend. Time for me to get smoked by an eight year old.